Nardwuar vs Alice Cooper

Listen to this Interview in Real Audio! Nardwuar: OK, Hello.
Toby [Alice Cooper's Manager]: Yeah, Nardwuar? It's Toby, still. You just about ready? We've got about ten minutes or so.

Ten minutes. O.K.
Because we have to leave for a flight to Montreal. I just want to make sure you know. When he says he's gotta go, it's 'cause we gotta go. Heh heh heh heh heh...

Okay, so I'll have to be quick then.
Yeah, it may go a couple minutes, but he'll let you know.

Okay, give me a couple minutes warning, if it's two minutes or whatever.
Yeah. So hold on, the next thing you speak to will be Alice Cooper.

Great !

Alice Cooper: Hello?

How are ya?
Ok, great.

So, I guess first off, umm... Hey Stoopid, who are you?
Heh heh heh heh heh. Now, wait a minute. How do I take that?

Hey Stoopid, how are you?
[ silence ]

Who are you?
Are you talking to me?

Yeah, I am. Maybe we should start over again, Alice, I guess. Hey Stoopid, Who are you?
I... [ silence ]

Toby (Alice Cooper's Manager): Hello.


Its Toby

Hello, Toby.
What's going on?

No, I was just saying "Who are you?" to Alice Cooper and I was hoping he would say, "Alice Cooper."
Yeah, but is this an interview or a game were playing?

No, it's like an interview. It's like, "Who are you?", "Alice Cooper."
Right. But we know that.

Yeah, well, but I was hoping that he would be able to say that.

I was hoping that he would be able to say that.
And Why is that?

Just because I begin interviews with, "Who are you?" so we can play it back on the radio and-
Oh, so this is taped.

Nobody told us that this was being taped for a broadcast.

Oh, Yeah, for a broadcast and..
We were told this was for a magazine.

This is for a magazine as well as for a broadcast.
Okay. Well, you see, we didn't know that.

Oh, okay. So I guess we should just start again then..?
Okay, and what are we doing?

I just said, "Who are you?" to Alice Cooper I was hoping that Alice Cooper would say, "Alice Cooper."
Okay, and then what happens?

Then I will ask some more questions.
Okay. Okay. [Off the phone]: He just wants you to introduce yourself on the tape... I'm sorry we didn't get that... Okay, here you go.

Alice Cooper: Hello!

So, Alice Cooper.
Okay, do it again.

Hey Stoopid, who are you?
This is Alice Cooper.

So, Alice, where were you on January 1st, 1994?
94? January 1st, 1994? I didn't do it, whatever it was.

Weren't you with Willie Nelson at Bill "Microsoft" Gates' wedding?

I never made it.

You never did, but you were-
I was invited, and uhh, I got my invitation about two weeks after.

How did you meet Bill Gates? Was that thr-
I have never met Bill Gates.

How did you get invited? Was that thr-
I have no idea.

Was that through golf?
No. I never met Bill Gates. I didn't even know who Bill Gates was until after I read it in Time Magazine.

But you were invited though, to his wedding?
Yeah, isn't that odd?

He's from Seattle, just like Chris Cornell.
I know - Oh, there's this cosmic connection there!

And he's a real co-conspirator on your new Last Temptation record.
Yeah he is. He is. But I don't think Chris Cornell ever met... Bill Gates.

He might have been at the wedding-
Oh, wait a minutes! They both have electricity in their house!

So Alice, do you still keep in touch with your old golfing buddies Peter Falk and Mike Douglas at all?

Hello, Alice? Hello, Alice? Hello, Alice Cooper? Alice Cooper? Cooper?

Postscript: A few weeks *after* the interview my friend Martin Strong told me that one should never ask Alice Cooper about golf, because the mere mention of that sport will make him hang up! But no one told me this *before* the interview! Not Toby, no one! I was really upset because I had a whole list of questions I wanted to ask Alice, especially about his 60s garage punk band The Spiders! (FYI: Yes, I would have still asked about golf, but that would have been my last question!) The frustrating thing is since this phone encounter with Alice I have read many interviews where he mentions and answers questions about golf! Go figure! In another weird twist of fate, Ronnie Barnett, bassmeister supreme of the band the Muffs, said that he was once approached by Toby , asking if The Muffs wanted his managerial services! Ronnie said "Hey! I know you from Nardwuar's Alice Cooper interview!" Toby replied something to the effect of "Ya, it's too bad, we didn't know where the interview was going!" Well, the Muffs didn't sign with Toby, and I'm still confused!
Interview done over the phone on June, 1994

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