Paul Gallagher

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Nardwuar: Who are you?
Paul Gallagher: Who am I? Good point, Nardwuar. My name is Paul Gallagher.

You are Paul Gallagher!
Yeah. I've got two semi-famous brothers. I don't think they've had a hit single yet, but you might have heard of them. They've got big eyebrows and stuff.

Do you have a mono-brow too, Paul?
Do I have mono-brow? No, my eyebrows actually don't meet in the middle. They're actually... normal, if you know what I mean.

Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel, do you get any respect? Does anybody give you any - I mean, is it hard to get respect - Do you get any respect, Paul Gallagher?
Of course I do.

But like, are you the Billy Carter of the Gallagher family?
No no no no naww. And I'm not Chris Jagger either. Not Pete Best. Or any other people you mean to throw out at me.

But do you get any respect though? is it hard to be the brother of the Gallaghers? Because people seem to always be making fun of you - Paul Gallagher, ha ha. The "fattish" older brother of Liam and Noel. What is like to take that sort of abuse, Paul?
I just don't listen to them.

But don't they always say it to you?
Nobody says nothing to me personally. People print it in papers 'cause they won't say it my face, because they know they will be on the floor if I get ahold of them.

Have you punched anybody over this?
Umm, not yet, but there are a few who have come close.

Paul Gallagher, why does the first line in your book say - it kind of says, "I always wished I was famous." I mean, aren't you setting yourself up right there?
Of course I am.

Why are you setting yourself up for that abuse?
Because I get that anyways, so you might as well set yourself up for it.

The Book Paul wrote!Because on page 76 of Brothers you say, "I'll always repay you, Mr. Sifter, by advertising your shop as one of the biggest influences behind the greatest band in the world." You are talking about this guy Mr. Sifter. Who is Mr. Sifter?
Mr. Sifter, his name is Peter. I can't remember his last name. But yeah, we've always bought records from him. In fact, I bought some - in fact, no, I actually did buy some last week; I was trying to nick them but he caught me.

But why do you say, "I will always repay you, Mr. Sifter, by advertising your shop as one of the biggest influences behind the greatest band in the world"? Do you have to use your brothers' fame to pay back this man? What are you? I mean, are you their official spokesman? Can't you get ahold of yourself, Paul? Create your own niche. Break through, Paul Gallagher. You're good, too. You don't have to use your brothers' fame for this.
Who's using what? What you on about? What do you mean?

I am talking about how you're talking about how your brothers bought records at the shop and you're advertising the shop as one of the biggest influences of ...
Woah, woah, woah. Slow right down. Rewind -

Of Oasis. Create your own-
Rewind- Create your own- Rewind- Paul- Rewind- Gallagher-
Rewind. Hold on. I was there before. Now, advertising the facts, yes, many big major companies would like the free advertising, but they won't get it, not from me.

But it says that you're advertising it.
So what? You're advertising me in fucking Vancouver or wherever you are or Toronto or wherever you are. I don't know where you are.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, Paul Gallagher!
Oh, is that right. Canada, have you got your big red leaves on your feet?

Do you have any good Canada jokes besides that, Paul Gallagher?
You know what I mean, I've got plenty of jokes, but I'm not in a joking mood. This is meant to be an interview concerning a book, and if you want to rip the piss, then go on and rip the piss somewhere else-

I'm not ripping the piss! I'm not ripping the piss! I'm not ripping the piss, Paul Gallagher!
Yeah, well, you're obviously not intelligent enough to rip the piss, then. Go on then.

Well, I'm reading from direct quotes here, Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel.
Well, that direct quote on page 76 that you so far are referring to does not exist.

It does! On page 76 of your book, it does say, "I'll always repay you, Mr. Sifter, by advertising your shop as one of the biggest influences behind the greatest band in the world."
Yeah yeah yeah. Well, if you go rewind to the start of the story concerning that, I mean, you're taking it from text and making it out as if it were something different.

Okay, why are there no pictures of you in the book, Brothers? Why are there no pictures-
Because that's on purpose-

But I want to see-
To keep people guessing-

But I want to see what you look like, Paul.
Well, you're going to have to wait now, aren't you? You know what I mean?

Paul, did you ever think about writing other books, like maybe about Davy Jones? David Jones of the Monkees is from Openshaw. Openshaw!
Openshaw, yeah! I know where Openshaw is, but, you know, I don't want to write any more books. I've written one book. I knew I had a book. I dunnit. End of story. It's a big big seller. I'll move onto something different.

Davy Jones, from Openshaw!
So what? (in an American accent) Davy Jones from Openshaw, wowee.

And Mick Hucknall from Simply Red is from Dukinfield, Paul Gallagher.
He's actually from Denton.

Paul Gallagher! Paul Gallagher!
Paul Gallagher! Paul Gallagher! Hey, man!

Paul Gallagher! Paul Gallagher is currently a band manager and A&R consultant. What band?

What's the name of the band?

Boo Baker? Brew. Bee. Beh. Buh. Ruh. Ruh. Yeh. Eugh. Beh. Eugh. Aah. Aah. Keh. Aah. Eh. Aah. Reh.

Rah. Thank you, thank you, Paul Gallagher. Why on page 137 do you comment, "I wish I had a chance to show my talents somewhere." Why do you say that? You're showing it in the book. "I wish I had a chance to show my talents somewhere." Why do you say that? You're setting yourself up for more punishment, Paul. I feel sorry for you.
You do, do you? Well, I don't feel sorry for me, you know what I mean? I'm not bothered, bothered, you know, beh-ah-teh-ah-ah-ah. Not bothered. Not bothered. It doesn't interest me.

Paul Gallagher, on page 137 of your book-
What is this?

"It is hard to imagine your younger brothers becoming the new Keith Richards and Mick Jagger" you say, Paul Gallagher. Your new brothers becoming the new Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. How can you compare your brothers to Richards and Jagger. Liam doesn't write any of the songs, does he? He doesn't co-write anything with Noel.

So why did you use that, Paul Gallagher?
Paul Gallagher, because I felt like using it, you know what I mean, it is just a term. Now, Liam is only twenty-four; who says he's never going to write songs? You don't know that-

Keith Richards and Jagger co-wrote songs together. Liam and Noel don't co-write songs, so how can you compare him to that?
(sigh) Big breeze coming over the phone. Whewwwwwwwwww.

Paul Gallagher, are you still there? How are you doing, Paul Gallagher?
I'm fine and you're running up my fucking phone bill. So say what you've got to say or I'm terminating this interview.

Thank you, Paul Gallagher.

We really do appreciate your time. Continuing on here, on page 137, you go on to say, "But our Noel was very talented.", "Our Noel." Why do you say, "Our Noel"? What's the deal with "Our Noel"? It is kind of sucky, isn't it? "Our Noel." "Our Liam." Why so much "our"?
"Our" because it's a Mancunian term, like "our kid." Obviously you Canadians... What would you say if you had a brother? "Hey, Lukin, how are you, man?"

I would say, "Liam."
But would you call him "your" or "our" or "him" or "who"?

I'd just keep saying, "Liam, Liam, Liam"
You don't live here, right? You've never even been here. You've never even fucking heard of Manchester-

Hey, what's wrong with me-
Everybody uses "our." Our kid, our brother, our fucking team, our this, my cup of tea.

I'm from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Long John Baldry lives here! Long John Baldry lives here, Paul Gallagher.
Oh well, whatever.

Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel, quoting from page 151 of Brothers, "Oasis' performance was magnificent, eclipsing the much raved about Soul Asylum." What are you referring to, right there?
Go back to it and read it out. I don't have the book in front of me so I really don't know what you're on about.

You are saying their performance was magnificent. Are you objective? Are you objective, Paul Gallagher? How can you be objective and call them magnificent when they're your brothers? You love them. You love your brothers, don't you, Paul Gallagher?
Umm, yeah. Yeah, sometimes. Not all the time. But yeah.

But comparing Oasis to Soul Asylum-
Soul Asylum are shite.

Yeah, they are shite. It doesn't take that much to be better than Soul Asylum, does it?
I'd say you'd probably form a band that would be better than Soul Asylum.

So we agree on something, Paul Gallagher! Soul Asylum are shite!
We do. We agree to disagree, you know.

We are connecting here! We are connecting!
Solar power.

Now, Paul Gallagher, what do you really think about Oasis? I mean, honestly, Paul Gallagher, are they really something special?

I mean, come on. You were a mod, weren't you?

You were a mod.
Once the mod, always the mod.

You were Bod the mod!

You are Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel. You were Bod the mod. Are not the Secret Affair, the Squire, the Purple Hearts or Prisoners... I mean, the Prisoners.... Aren't they just as good as or better than Oasis, Paul Gallagher?
No, they're not.

Why? You love those bands though? Why aren't they as good? The Prisoners!
No no no, where are they now, you know what I mean? Oasis are going to be around for a good few years yet.

But you must admit those bands were good. You were down with them. You did like them, Paul Gallagher.
They're influences. Influences made it into a better equation.

But the Prisoners probably influenced Oasis. The Prisoners are better than Oasis.
What is this, a fucking TV show I'm on, know what I mean? Shit.

Hello, Paul Gallagher. How are you doing? We are speaking here to Paul Gallagher, author of the book, Brothers. And Paul Gallagher is the brother of Liam and Noel of Oasis.
I don't know if all you people in Canada are like you man, I don't want to do no more interviews, you know what I mean?

Paul Gallagher, how do you remember so much about your youth? You remember every toy, every cereal, all these things. How do you remember all this stuff?
Obviously I'm clever but there you go, eh?

Because "Noel liked tents." "Noel had a favourite toy wigwam." What was that all about?
Do you know what a wigwam is?

Yes, we know what a wigwam is in Canada, Paul Gallagher. You really have something against Canada, don't you, Paul Gallagher?
No, I don't have anything against Canada. I have something against people who don't ask proper questions, who don't, ummm, I don't know if you'retrying to glorify yourself in this interview by winding me up....

We're not trying to wind you up. We're just going through the actual book. "Noel liked tents. He had a favourite toy wigwam."
Yeah, a wigwam. It is no big deal-

I know, that's what we're trying to elaborate.
It's no big deal. Kids have toys, you know what I mean? I've got a memory, and I've fucking memorized it. I've got-

Noel got a dog bite at age six. Brave Noel was the only one 'manly' enough to pull a dart out of your head. There were schoolyard fights with Tony Rafferty and Youngy. Like, what is the significance of all this little information you've put out there? Isn't it kind of blah, as you've said earlier?
Is it what?

Why have you given us this information, Paul Gallagher?
Why? Because I've written a book.

But but but-
To write a book, see, you've got to memorize quite a lot of stuff and you've got to research. Now, I didn't do no research because the research is in my fucking brain-

I know, you're great. You're Paul Gallagher. Paul Gallagher, just one second. You just said, "Who cares that Noel liked tents." Then why did you put that in the book? Why did you put all that stuff about Noel getting a dog bite-
You've got to make the thing interesting. These are original things that happened.

But you just shot me-
You may not be able to relate to them in Canada, but people in Britain can do, same as I can't relate to a fucking Eskimo in Alaska. Or a sheepdog or whatever-

But Paul Gallagher, you just scolded me a second ago for asking you about Noel liking tents, and yet you've put it in the book. I'm allowed to ask that question, aren't I? It's in the book.

Now, Paul, continuing-
I am terminating this interview. I don't know who set you up to interview me. I thought I was doing an interview.

Paul Gallagher, winding up here-
No no-

Just a few more questions-
-No no, you-

Just a few more questions. Please, Paul Gallagher. Please, Paul. Are you still there? Please, Paul.
Get on with it-

Just a few more questions-
I'm wasting my time.

Recently it was reported that you were with Liam when he allegedly did coke on November 9th and was caught by the fuzz.
What did you say there?

Recently it was reported in the papers that you were with Liam when he allegedly did coke and was caught by the fuzz.
No no, I wasn't with Liam.

Have you seen anyone offer-
I was with Liam the next day when I called to his house. I wasn't with Liam. I was at a fucking gig somewhere in London.

Have you ever seen anyone offer Oasis coke? You know, Blow-ace-siss? Get it? Blow-ace-siss? Who hangs around Oasis? Who is offering them coke and stuff?
That's up to you to find out, isn't it?

Continuing on here, winding up-
Why don't you go and ask the newspapers because they usually make up a story like what you're trying to do, eh?

Paul Gallagher, Bod the Mod, continuing on here on page 143 of Brothers-
Yadda yadda yadda... (whistles)

You say, "Then one of Liam's mates asked Liz Phair to get her tits out for the lads, which we all find highly amusing." Why did you say that? Isn't that, like, slothlike, Paul Gallagher?
Har har har har har.

"Get her tits out for the lads." Isn't that kind of mean?
Get your tits out for the lads, you know what I mean?

That's very slothlike.
Ah, do you know what I mean? It happens. You wasn't there.

What do you mean,"I wasn't there"?
You wasn't there. You're just taking excerpts from a book, my book, and trying to turn it around as if I'm some sort of fucking asshole.

We're not trying to turn -
At the end of the day, you're the asshole.

We're not trying to put anything around here, Paul Gallagher. You're just saying, "Get her tits out for the lads."
I'm telling you, if I ever come to Canada, you'd fucking better watch out-

If I come across you, you'll be snowboarded, I'm telling you.

I'm going to be snowboarded. Nardwuar the Human Serviette, I'm going to be snowboarded.

Winding up here, again, winding up here, winding up here with Paul Gallagher
Winding, yeah yeah. I don't know who else you interview, but no doubt they'll want to kill you the same as I do.

Paul Gallagher-
You know what I mean?

What do your fingernails taste like these days?
What is what?

What do your fingernails taste like these days?
My fingernails? At the moment, horse manure.

When is the last time Noel or Liam punched you? I know you want to punch me, don't you? You want to whip me-
You're fucking right. I want to rip your fucking head off, and I will do, one of these days, you know what I mean? I know where you are. (laughs)

Thank you, Paul Gallagher.
You aren't getting away with trying to wind me up on the phone. I don't fucking care where you are-

Nobody, nobody screws with Paul Gallagher. Nobody-
Nobody screws, not even you, fucking Nardwuar, or whoever you're called. I mean, Nardwuar, what's up with your fucking nickname, Nardwuar? Did you come from outer space?

You are teasing me in my little country house here.
I'm fucking- my country house, ha ha. Some might say I'll cast no shadow across your fuckin- you will roll with it, you cunt.

Paul Gallagher, the brother of Liam and Noel, please tell me when was the last time you punched somebody? Like, did you punch Liam or Noel? When was the last time-
I find it hard to punch Liam or Noel- they're actually three hundred miles away from me, unless I've got a big fist, you know what I mean, like fucking Superman flying through the air.

You seem to be very opinionated. Has anybody ever got mad at you or punched you at all?
Punched me? No.

Liam or Noel have not punched you? They've got mad at you recently?
No. We're brothers.

Would they be happy with the way you're carrying on yourself in this manner right now?

Paul Gallagher, you describe here how you Gallaghers had such a hard upbringing. You know, Noel stole stuff, did drugs, fought bikers. So why did the boys- oh sorry, "our Liam" and "our Noel"- walk off stage here in Vancouver when a little penny hit them? Why did they walk off stage-
A little penny hit them?

A little penny hit-
I thought this happened before with you Canadians. At the end of the day, they're there to play music. That stage is their stage. Anyone who invades it or who throws fucking coins, they might end up for the rest of their life blind. I don't know what it is with you Canadians and you Americans, but when you're at a gig, you fucking throw bottles at people. It isn't acceptable, and if it happens again, they're off; it's as simple as that. And that's what they did. They went off.

But the Gallagher family is tough. You're tough, right? You're tough, Paul Gallagher.
We're not fucking- we're not even bothered, you know what I mean?

But if you're not bothered, then why does a penny make you bothered? You're teaching us-
A penny. All right, put it this way, I'll fucking put you up on stage and I will throw a fucking plastic bottle of water full and with force and I will throw a coin and I will throw a stone to a speed of fifty miles an hour. I'd like to see how fucking clever you're going to last, you know what I mean?

So you want to teach us-
You'll be straight on your snowboard and off to fucking Vancouver, mate.

So Oasis, when they walk off stage - Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel - are they teaching us manners? Is that what they're doing?
You need educating, don't you, really?

They're teaching us manners? They came to Vancouver to teach us manners?
You know what I mean? If that's the way you behave....

They came to Vancouver to teach us manners?
They came to Vancouver to play music.

And then also - well they didn't play music because they walked off...
Do you know what that this? Music. M-U-S-I-C. They were there to play music.

How come when Oasis-
They're not fucking King Kong in a cage, you know. You know what I mean?

But Paul Gallagher, you spokesman you-

-when Oasis came to Vancouver they held a press conference, the first time they came to Vancouver. Isn't that kind of being assholes?

You know, having a press conference when they were barely selling out a two-hundred seat venue. It was eventually moved to a larger venue, but in America, at that time whey they first came, to warrant a press conference, that was kind of being assholic, wasn't it?
Is it? I don't know, but there again, see, I don't know a lot about Canada and America, and would I want to know? This is the point. My book is going on sale in Canada because my publishers want it to go on sale in Canada. That doesn't ... that means I will speak to any other person who wants to interview me, not just some fucking asshole who is trying to take the piss. So I suggest you go to your country house, you get your fucking Blur album out, you go...

Hey, just a second!
-play with your Burl Ives. You play with your fucking... roll with it and leave me alone, okay?

I like the Prisoners! I like the Prisoners! I like the Prisoners! Paul, are you still there? Paul. Paul?
This interview is terminated.

Oh Paul, can we at least go doot doola doot doo to you?
You've had twenty minutes of my fucking money-

But Liam is so hot!
-and we're not gettting anywhere.

Liam is so hot!
See you later, Nard-fucking-wuar. (click, line goes dead)

Paul, Paul. Please. Please. Paul? Paul? Paul? Paul Gallagher, brother of Liam and Noel? Paul.

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