Nardwuar: Who are you?

Weird Al: You know, a lot of people think I'm Kenny G, but I'm not. I don't play the saxophone well. I'm, uh, Al Yankovic, but you can call me, Al Yankovic.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, welcome to Richmond, British Columbia, Canada.

Weird Al: Thank you very much.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, I have a quote here from Hunter S. Thompson.

Weird Al: Good. Does he say something pithy and unique?

Nardwuar: This is what Hunter S. Thompson says. He says, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Weird Al: And I certainly did, didn't I?

Nardwuar: That's what I was wondering about. What about the mainstreaming of weird. How do you become weird these days?

Weird Al: It used to be a four-year course, now it's a five-year course to get accredited. It's a lot of work and I don't recommend it for the timid or the meek.

Nardwuar: Where does weird go, though? Like, where can weird go these days? Where can you take weird?

Weird Al: Weird, as you know, has been assimilated into our society. You can be a weird belly dancer or a weird CEO, president of a multinational conglomeration. So weird is all over the place these days.

Nardwuar: Well, do you feel a bit jealous at all Weird Al because Justin Timberlake with his "Dick In A Box" routine that won an Emmy?

Weird Al: As well it should have.

Nardwuar: It should have, but that means like weird going mainstream — totally mainstream. He's scooping you, Weird Al.

Weird Al: Well, I don't look at it as scooping me. I look at it as me laying the groundwork so Justin Timberlake can have his moment in the sun.

Nardwuar: Like, the weirdness is out there.

Weird Al: It is.

Nardwuar: More than ever.

Weird Al: More than ever. I was the pioneer, just laying the foundation — the foundation, as it were, for the rest of our weird society.

Nardwuar: Now, when you think of weird society, do you think of UFOs? Are you into the UFOs?

Weird Al: It depends what you mean by UFO. You mean like something from Plan 9 From Outer Space?

Nardwuar: The classic Roswell., Stanton T. Friedman.

Weird Al: Oh yes. Yes, indeed. Well, I certainly believe they are unidentified. And they appear to be flying objects. So I think they probably are unidentified flying objects.

Nardwuar: Because Weird Al, UFO guys now are so strucken by this weirdness in society that they've left UFO studies.

Weird Al: They're "strucken"?

Nardwuar: Yes they have.

Weird Al: My goodness.

Nardwuar: UFO guys are now mountain-biking in Afghanistan!

Weird Al: That's crazy. I've always wanted to do that.

Nardwuar: They gave up the UFOs because it's not weird anymore to do the UFOs.

Weird Al: I gotta get myself a mountain bike. What am I thinking?

Nardwuar: Weird Al, have you interacted with any weird people at all?

Weird Al: Not so far in my life, but I'm looking forward to it. If you know any weird people, you know, give them my email address.

Nardwuar: Well, this is what I was wondering about, this particular weird person, Blowfly. [Nardwuar shows Weird Al Blowfly’s On Tour album cover]

Weird Al: Blowfly! I used to shave his uncle!

Nardwuar: What can you tell the people about Blowfly? He is on Weird World records!

Weird Al: Uh-huh. I haven't heard a lot of Blowfly's material, but I've heard him described as an x-rated Weird Al Yankovic.

Nard & Al

Nardwuar: Which I was wondering about. Would you ever do any weird parodies? Would you ever do any x-rated parodies? Or have you done them, Weird Al?

Weird Al: But then people would confuse me with Blowfly, and you know, we get confused on the street all the time. A lot of times I'd be walking down the street and people would go, "Hey, Blowfly!" And I go, "No, no, no. Blowfly looks like this." I bring this album cover along with me so I can show the difference. This is me, this is Blowfly. [Al then points to a nude lady on Blowfly’s LP Cover] And this is Blowfly's friend.

Nardwuar: They do have some similarities. They do. Al and Blowfly do have some similarities, don't they Al?

Weird Al: Yes, less than a syllable apart.

Nardwuar: Well, the similarities for instance, Blowfly takes the song "Sitting On The Dock Of The ____"

Weird Al: Bay?

Nardwuar: And turns it into "Shittin' On The ____"

Weird Al: Dock!

Nardwuar: Of the?

Weird Al: Bay.

Nardwuar: He got in big trouble from Otis Wedding's wife, but then you know what happened?

Weird Al: What happened to Otis Wedding's wife?

Nardwuar: Well, Blowfly was able to show a picture of him and Otis Redding together and everything was OK.

Weird Al: You can do anything with PhotoShop these days.

Nardwuar: So I guess what I was wondering Weird Al, what pictures do you carry with you in case somebody gets mad about the songs you're covering and you can go like, "Look, we're friends!"

Weird Al: I don't carry them with me, that would be too easy. I got the Polaroids in a vault, my friend.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, Blowfly has a message for you. I contacted Blowfly and he has a message for you.

Weird Al: Let's hear it right now.

Nardwuar: This is Blowfly's message, Weird Al. "Al, would you do a split single with us and finally unite the two weird parody artists?"

Weird Al: He did not say that.

Nardwuar: Yes he did.

Weird Al: Let me see that.

Nardwuar: He did! Right there! [Nardwuar point to an email] I contacted Blowfly.

Weird Al: You're right!

Nardwuar: I contacted Blowfly! So would you like to address Blowfly at all?

Weird Al: Blowfly, have your peeps talk to my peeps. We'll do lunch.

Nardwuar: And weird artists will come together.

Weird Al: It could happen.

Nardwuar: That would be amazing.

Weird Al: That would be amazing!

Nardwuar: Now Weird Al, are you familiar with journals at all? [Nardwuar pulls out a journal]

Weird Al: Yes, I've seen journals like this. They have a lot of paper in them.

Nardwuar: Now this particular journal belongs to... who’s journal is this?

Weird Al: It looks like Kurt Cobain's journals.

Nardwuar: Kurt Cobain's journals. And if you could open up to the anointed page there, please, Weird Al. This is Kurt Cobain's private journals.

Weird Al: Wow. Where did you get this?

Nardwuar: I got it in a bookstore. It's for sale. Everything's for sale!

Weird Al: Wow.

Nardwuar: Now if we could open up Kurt Cobain's journals there, Weird Al.

Weird Al: To the Post-It note?

Nardwuar: To the Post-It note. What do we see in there? I've indicated some things at the bottom. There's two things I'd like you to read at at the bottom, Weird Al.

Weird Al: It says, oh…

Nardwuar: The first thing says…

Weird Al: It says, this is according to Kurt Cobain, here it says, "Eric Clapton plays dusty, second-rate blues licks." And under that it says, "Weird Al Yankovic is America's modern rock-pop genius." Whhaaat?!

Nardwuar: You made it into his journals, Weird Al!

Weird Al: Oh! That's pretty cool!

Nardwuar: In his private journals that I was perusing, I found out about Weird Al Yankovic little tidbits right here.

Weird Al: Eric Clapton, in your face!

Nardwuar: At the top of the page, Weird Al, is scrawled right there.

Weird Al: Oh yeah, look at that, it says "Weird Al" right there on the page.

That's pretty cool.

Nardwuar: So you really didn't have too much interaction with Kurt Cobain, did you?

Weird Al: Uh, I talked to him on the phone and I hung out with him in a restaurant for about 35 seconds. And I…

Nardwuar: What restaurant, by the way?

Weird Al: It was somewhere on Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles, one of those cool restaurants that's so hip it doesn't even have a name out front. And he was there with a bunch of people and I saw he was eating dinner there so I didn't want to bother him, but I walked over and said, "Hey Kurt, it's Al Yankovic, and thank you for letting me do 'Smells Like Nirvana.' And you know it meant a lot to me and I'll do anything you want me to do to show my appreciation." And he basically said, "Just polish my fingernails." And I did, I just polished his fingernails at the table, and he was very happy.

Nardwuar: But now you actually have proof there in the Nirvana journals.

Weird Al: I have proof. They're right here. Look, his actual journals.

Nardwuar: So, if people buy this, money will go to...

Weird Al: Oh look, it says [Al looks at writing on the book jacket] "Reward if found." Hey, there you go.

Nardwuar: We're all gonna make money.

Weird Al: Cool.

Nardwuar: Cause we're in Rich--

Weird Al: Yes!

Nardwuar: We're in Rich---

Weird Al: I'm gonna put this down here with the Blowfly album. [Al drops the Journals to the floor] There we go.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, here we are in Richmond, British Columbia, Canada.

Weird Al: Are you sure it's not Vancouver? It sure feels like Vancouver.

Nardwuar: It is Richmond.

Weird Al: OK. Fine.

Nardwuar: Not Burnaby, home of Michael J. Fox.

Weird Al: Uh-uh.

Nardwuar: Now, a few years ago I interviewed Chamillionaire.

Weird Al: You did?

Nardwuar: The rapper Chamillionaire.

Weird Al: I remember him.

Nardwuar: Yeah, your good buddy!

Weird Al: Yeah.

Nardwuar: Now, he was wearing a hat during the interview.

Weird Al: As are you.

Nardwuar: As am I. And I asked him if his hat was bulletproof and he denied it. Chamillionaire denied his hat was bulletproof.

Weird Al: He should never admit to something like that. 'Cause if somebody told me, like if you told me your hat was bulletproof, I'd put a cap in you right now just to check it out.

Nardwuar: So in your interactions with Chamillionaire, did you find out if he had a bulletproof hat? And do you have a bulletproof hat?

Weird Al: That never came up in discussion. We got to co-present at the American Music Awards and…

Nardwuar: Was he wearing a hat?

Weird Al: He wasn't wearing a hat, but if he had been wearing a hat that would be my first question, obviously.

Nardwuar: Have you ever had a bulletproof hat? Would you consider that? Have you ever seen any bulletproof stuff?

Weird Al: Um, I don't think I've ever seen a bulletproof hat. What does it look like?

Nardwuar: Well I guess like the one that 50 Cent wears.

Weird Al: Is that really a bulletproof hat?

Nardwuar: I think he wears a bulletproof hat. They all have bulletproof hats. Maybe it's Lloyd Banks that wears the bulletproof hat. Are you down with the G-Unit?

Weird Al: I am down with the G-Unit, G.

Nardwuar: Weird Al Yankovic: opening acts. I've looked at the opening acts you've had on some of your tours and some of them have been pretty interesting. For instance, I saw a bill, "Weird Al, comma, chainsaw carving."

Weird Al: Yeah. I think that was on this tour. You know we played---

Nardwuar: In Utah.

Weird Al: We play an occasional state fair, so it's like, we'll be billed next to the chainsaw carvers. You know, "Weird Al and tractor pull."

Nardwuar: Have there been any other things? Puppet shows? What have you played with over the years? Who opens for Weird Al? Does anybody open for Weird Al and cover for Weird Al before Weird Al can come up on stage?

Weird Al: We used to have all sorts of opening acts. For this show it's an "evening with Al," 'cause the show's almost two-and-a-half-hours long.

Nardwuar: Except the chainsaw carving.

Weird Al: Except that was on a whole different stage. But there's only so much weirdness people can take in any given finite amount of time. So we figure that's enough for now.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, I was asking you about Blowfly. And you know, people don't want to get confused between you and Blowfly. But isn't there an entire website out there called, “Not Al's Songs”? Like, people get confused. Every parody song is not written by you, or is it, Al?

Weird Al: Well…

Nardwuar: You want to take credit for that?

Weird Al: Yeah, I know. Well, the truth is, it's not. I've been around for so long that anytime anybody hears a parody of a song they go, "Oh! Must be Weird Al Yankovic. " And so I get a lot of credit on those peer-to-peer file sharing sites.

Nardwuar: What particular songs have you been impressed by? The songs you've taken credit for, which really maybe you shouldn't take credit for, that people yell from the audience?

Weird Al: Who does it? There's Bob Rivers and Mark Davis. There's a few people that actually do quality stuff and you know, if it's good, sure I'll take credit for it. But you know, 98 per cent of the stuff out there that's got my name on it that isn't really by me isn't really so good. You know what I mean? You do know what I mean, don't you?

Nardwuar: I do, Weird Al. Thank you for your time. I do appreciate it.

Weird Al: No, no. Thank you.

Nardwuar: Now winding up here, who is and who are the Harry Fox Agency?

Weird Al: Uh, Harry Fox Agency would be an agency wherein songs would be cleared. So if you need to clear a song for a cover version, you just call up Harry and go, "Harry, come on! Work with me here. Work with me Harry! Harry!"

Nardwuar: After all these years, do you get a good deal with Harry?

Weird Al: You know, Harry and I, we're sorta like this. East side!

Nardwuar: Weird Al, pirates are big these days, aren't they? Pirates are big.

Weird Al: They're huge! They're large.

Nardwuar: What sort of pirates are you integrating into your act, Weird Al?

Weird Al: Um, you know, it's subliminal pirates. I don't want to be too obvious or overt about my inclusion of pirates in the live show. So, in fact, we offer a cash reward to somebody who could spot the pirate.

Nardwuar: I was wondering: a concertina. What is a concertina? And would you ever integrate a concertina into your act? I'm calling it your "act." Are you insulted by that, Weird Al?

Weird Al: I am, but please continue to do so. A concertina is similar to an accordion, although most concertinas have buttons on both sides. I only usually play buttons on the left side and play the keyboard on the right side. But with a concertina I would be playing buttons on both sides and that would be — did I spit on you? I'm very sorry.

Nardwuar: No you didn't. I was going to say that's very pirate-ish of you. Pirates love the concertina, don't they?

Weird Al: They did. And you know, I'm more apt to incorporate a parrot into my act than a concertina, 'cause a concertina, that's just too many buttons. Too many buttons my friend.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, who is your favourite polka artist these days? I was hoping you might say Walter ---

Weird Al: Ostanek?

Nardwuar: From?

Weird Al: From Canada?

Nardwuar: From Canada!

Weird Al: Yes, he would be my favourite.

Nardwuar: He's won lots of Grammys, hasn't he?

Weird Al: Tons.

Nardwuar: You've won some Grammys.

Weird Al: I have.

Nardwuar: And you've made some people mad by winning Grammys. Haven't you, Weird Al?

Weird Al: Yes.

Nardwuar: For instance, you beat comedian David Cross. You beat him out.

Weird Al: Was he up for a polka Grammy?

Nardwuar: No, he was up for a comedy Grammy.

Weird Al: And is he mad now?

Nardwuar: Well, he might be. And I'm going to be interviewing him shortly, and I was wondering, could you give a little message to David Cross to say, "Sorry I beat you for the Grammy?"

Weird Al: Yes. David, I'm a big fan. And you know I am. And we're close friends and I'm just very sorry that you didn't win the Grammy a couple years ago and you really should have 'cause I suck.[Al starts to cry] I'm sorry David. I'm sorry!

Nardwuar: Sorry Al, I didn't mean to bring this incident up.

Weird Al: Why did I have to win that Grammy? Why!? Why? Why? David hates me now!

Nardwuar: But you've been on panels with him since, so…

Weird Al: Really?

Nardwuar: Yeah, I thought you did some panel with him a while back. Like, when you judge stuff. You're a judge for a lot of stuff, aren't you?

Weird Al: Oh, you know I think we're judging some song contest together, but we haven't done it yet. So we're on a theoretical panel together.

Nardwuar: You're Weird.

Weird Al: Al.

Nardwuar: Yank.

Weird Al: O.

Nardwuar: Vic. Now Weird Al, you wouldn't be Weird Al without Dr. Demento in some ways, right? Dr. Demento is why you are here today.

Weird Al: in some ways, yeah. You could probably say that. If Dr. Demento had never existed, I would be living in an alternate reality.

Nardwuar: From the guy who brought you "Fish Heads," he brings you Weird Al. Who else has Dr. Demento brought to the world? You, Weird Al. And what about the "Fish Head?" Tell us about the "Fish Heads." The "Fish Heads!"

Weird Al: The Fish Head is Barnes And Barnes. Art Barnes and Artie Barnes. And actually Art Barnes, a.k.a Bill Moomie, is the guy who's little Will Robinson on Lost In Space. And he's the guy that introduced me to my wife. So everything's interconnected, the fabric of reality, it blows my mind.

Nardwuar: When you were on the Tom Snyder show, your drummer's the same drummer you have today, right?

Weird Al: It is, and I should point out that today, I don't know when this is airing, but today, this very day, September 14, 2007, today, is the 27th anniversary of me meeting John Bermuda Shorts, my drummer.

Nardwuar: It's amazing looking at footage of him. What is he playing on the Tom Snyder show? It's like he's doing all these weird noises and pounding on something. What is that? What did you do back then?

Weird Al: That was my accordion case, my friend. He was on the floor, on his knees, banging on my accordion case, squeaking bulb horns, blowing into siren whistles and duck calls and just being really silly. I had no idea he was going to do that. And he made a real fool out of himself.

Nardwuar: Weird Al, you mentioned Kenny G right off of the top of the interview. Would you consider him replacing Michael Richards in UHF Part II, the sequel?

Weird Al: You know, I've got a call into Kenny G as we speak. We'll see if the long-standing feud has cooled down and see if he's willing to take over the role of Stanley Spadowski.

Nardwuar: Now if you've noticed we have this little poster up, of fabulous poodles behind us. Are there not poodles in UHF?

Weird Al: There are poodles in UHF, poodles that can fly or attempt to fly.

Nardwuar: Or get thrown off sundecks.

Weird Al: Or that, yes.

Nardwuar: That's what we brought this here for you today. Think Pink, The Fabulous Poodles!

Weird Al: Very nice.

Nardwuar: Will there be any poodles tonight at the gig, Weird Al?

Weird Al: Uh, the pirates are holding poodles under their arms. So look for those as well.

Nardwuar: With the concertina.

Weird Al: Yes.

Nardwuar: Well, thanks so much Weird Al. Anything else you want to add to the people out there at all?

Weird Al: Yes. [silence]

Nardwuar: Why should people care about Weird Al Yankovic?

Weird Al: I don't know. Because I floss regularly and I think dental hygiene is very important.

Nardwuar: Well, thanks so much Weird Al. Keep on rockin' in the free world and doot doola doot doo ---

Weird Al: Doo da looda do da!

Nardwuar: Almost. Doot doola doot doo ---

Weird Al: Doo Doo!