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And
what's the deal with Hendrix's cast? I heard
Hendrix's cast broke. Hendrix's cock broke, Cynthia Plaster Caster, and
you had to piece it back together. You remember like that famous story
about Sid Vicious' ashes ended up all over Heathrow Airport when his mom
spilt them when he died. Hendrix's cock ended up in all these pieces and
somebody had to piece them all back together. 
Mmm hmmm. You see, I was so anxious to see the cast, I prematurely opened
the mold and it was still wet and about to crumble into all these pieces
so I very carefully closed it back up and let it sit for a few days and
when I reopened it, it was in three divisions: the shaft, the head and
the balls. All I needed was Elmer's glue.
So Jimi Hendrix, was he the biggest? I know we
are dwelling here on the biggest and the smallest. So Jimi was biggest.
Who was the smallest?
You really are dwelling on the biggest, aren't you? Who is the biggest?
The biggest cast?
I really want to know who was the biggest and the smallest, just to
set the record straight, finally.
I would say we captured the least of Wayne Kramer and the most of....
volumetrically it is really hard. It's like a tie between Clint Poppy
for length and Jimi Hendrix for width, I think.
Who was that? Clint...
Clint of Pop Will Eat Itself. Also very curved.
What is the deal with Keith Moon and his pant leg?
Oh, when we were experimenting with wax and he heard I needed an apron,
he very obligingly ripped off his pant leg, this really cool flowered
pair of pants, and gave me the leg to wear around my waste.
And you're still wearing it today? And you've
never washed it?
That's true. Well, I'm not wearing it today, but I've never washed it.
It's at home smelling up my apartment.
He got casted then?
No. That was just an attempt. Before I started taking notes, before I
knew about algenates, it was in the days when we were using casting as
an excuse to get into hotel rooms, claiming that we didn't know how to
do it but we needed to experiment on someone.
So, Cynthia Plaster Caster, who is on your Want
List right now? Who is on your Want List? Jonathan Fire Eater?
Whaaa...
I heard a rumour!
I just heard that rumour today too. I didn't know what everybody was talking
about. Holy fuck! I went to their hotel a few months ago with my friend
who was driving because I don't know how to drive and she proceeded to
carry on with the singer in the bathroom and I couldn't leave. I was trapped
in their hotel room so I was having a nice little talk with them and this
big old completely distorted story has appeared in Details magazine,
I discovered. It's not true at all.
Dennis Rodman?
Um, Dennis, I'm kind of losing interest in Dennis. His record wasn't very
good last year, but, oh man, I was really hot to get him last year. I
would love to get Jarvis Cocker of Pulp if...
Jarvis Cocker's cock! Great!
Exactly.
Have you got Iggy's cock?
No, unfortunately I'm afraid I waited too long. I'd still...
It's shrinking now, right? Do cocks shrink as
you get older, Cynthia Plaster Caster? Have you done somebody twice, like
early mold and late mold, just to measure them?
No, not over the years. You guys are probably too young to know. I guess
there isn't anyone here right now who can answer that question for me.
Cynthia Plaster Caster, what about Rupaul? Would
that be the ultimate plaster casting?
Rupaul would be cool. So would Vaginal Cream Davis. Are you familiar with
him?
I've heard that name before.
Well, he's a fabulous great six-foot-tall black punk rock drag queen.
And Kiss have the song "Plaster Caster" but they
haven't actually been plaster casted! What's the deal on that?
I personally think Gene wrote the song to make people think that he had
actually been done when in fact I was never interested in Kiss until long
after that song came out and Evan Dando covered it. He claims that the
song was a fantasy about him being casted. Yeah.
That's cool that you were down with the MC5 and
all these garage bands. Do you remember the New Colony Six out of Chicago?
Oh, yeah, but it was harder to get to the locals because all their girlfriends
lived in town, you know.
So you didn't do the Shadows of Night or anything like that?
I think Jim Sohns would have been a candidate but we lost touch with him
after we started casting.
Winding up here with Cynthia Plaster Caster, Cynthia, do you really
like everything phallic? Do you love everything phallic?
Everything phallic? Umm...
Like what do you have at your house?
Well people for some reason give me presents, like souvenirs of long tall
buildings and long tall objects. Yeah, I guess I do have a fondness for
that shape. And I like penises. I like lots and lots of penises sitting
together like a gorgeous long chorus line.
The Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, I understand,
wants to get ahold of these but you don't want to give them to them? What's
the deal with that, because your mom might find out, Cynthia Plaster Caster?
Oh, that's a big old fat question. A lot of answers. The Rock 'n' Roll
Hall of Fame... I'm not sure but it might kind of suck, but I think I
might have to go to Cleveland myself and find out but it just seems to
have the biggest exhibitions of the wrong people, from what I've heard.
I've heard that Nirvana's (which I really adore) exhibition is bigger
than the Velvet Underground's, and Frank Zappa took too long to get inducted.
They did call me and ask me if I would be interested in...
You do have Frank Zappa's molding back. Did you get it back?
Frank never posed for me. He was kind of straight and normal.
But didn't his manager take some of your plaster
castings?
He withheld them from me. He didn't really take them away from me. He
was keeping them in his vault for safe-keeping for me for a future exhibition
and I wanted them back but he didn't want to return them. He believed
they belonged to him. So I had to take him to court to prove otherwise.
And you won!
And I won, talking dick on the witness stand for two days!
And you're here today, Cynthia Plaster Caster.
But what about your mom? Lastly, does your mom know about your molding
dicks after all these years.
No, and she must never know. I can't afford a body guard right now. I
just called my answering machine. She left a 15 minute long psychotic
message.
So she has no idea about the dicks. No idea.
No, no, no. Well, she was reading about the evolution of the idea in one
of the many diaries of mine that she read.
All right then, thanks very much for your time
Cynthia Plaster Caster. We really appreciate it. Is there anything else
you would like to add to the people out there, you know, in listening
to this interview? Like any Canadian memories of plaster casting? Like
Zal of the Loving Spoonful lives in Canada now. Any Canadian connections?
No, I don't note any difference between the Canadian and the American
dick. Um, and all I can say is, "Never judge a cock by its cast." And,
um... 
As Ronnie is witness to!
Hee hee.
All right. Thanks very much. Keep on rockin'
in the free world. And, doot doola doot doo...
Who who!
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Cynthia Plaster Caster Intro
